Seek Joy, not just Happiness!

Happiness is an emotion in which we experience feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure.

Whereas, Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness.

We can get happy but we can’t stay happy.

I have heard people saying "I just want to be happy!" They believe that happiness is something that can be achieved and held on to it. We look forward to that time in which we can finally be happy, but it continually recedes. When we are in High School, we think, "If we can just graduate then we will be happy." Graduation, however, is not fulfilling, and we decide "If we go to college then life will be better". But a college education does not bring happiness. Maybe it will come upon finding the right job, or getting married, or having children, or retiring. The goal remains elusive. The "happiness that lasts" is never found because it is actually impossible to get happy and stay happy.

If life is based on obtaining happiness then we will always fall short because life is always changing.

Joy connects us to the creative power - It is far better to seek Joy. Joy is related to happiness, but it is a deeper experience. In the search for happiness the individual focuses upon himself, but joy moves a person out of a self-centered preoccupation and provides an orientation towards others. Joy is an experience which connects us to that which is "Greater" than we are. Joy connects us to the creative power that is more than the "I" or ego. Joy gets us out of ourselves and gets us in contact with others. If we are willing to give up the search for Happiness, we may find Joy.

·       Happiness is based on an experience or other external stimulus. For instance, getting engaged to be married may result in happiness.  
     Joy is based on internal well-being or the anticipation of well-being.

·       When happiness is present, it is larger than life. Nothing seems better or worthy of attention but happiness is fickle. Happiness also tends to disappear when the situation changes. Joy is constant.

·       Happiness can be described as an emotion. Joy is more properly related to a state of one’s being.

·       Happiness depends on external factors to exist. Happiness happens to us. Even though we may seek it, desire it, pursue it. Feeling happy is not a choice we make. Joy, on the other hand, is a choice purposefully made. It is an attitude of the heart and spirit, present inside of us as an untapped reservoir of potential.

·       Happiness is achieved with five course meal. Joy is realizing that we have access to food and water, all the time. 

·       Happiness is feeling the sunshine on a beautiful day. Joy is acknowledging that the Sun is always there, even when it’s cloudy.

·       Happiness is winning an award or getting a raise. Joy is waking up every morning and doing what you love.

·       Happiness comes and goes. Joy comes and goes, but it's always a choice.

·       Happiness is a wish. Joy is a practice.

·       Happiness is an emotion in which one experience feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure. Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness. Witnessing or achieving selflessness to the point of personal sacrifice frequently triggers this emotion

·       Happiness is caused by earthly experiences and material objects. Joy comes from Spiritual experiences, caring for others, gratitude, thankfulness, etc…

·       Happiness is outward expression of elation. Joy is inward peace and contentment.

·       Happiness is temporary as it is based on outward circumstances. Joy is lasting as it is based on inward circumstances.

Ways to seize Joy:

·         Choosing to Smile
·         Meditation and Imagining
·         Positive Thinking
·         Feeling Grateful
·         Notice Immediate Surroundings
·         Become Active and Support others

Appreciate Happiness and Live Joy!
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My Expectations from Others...

“When expectations rule our lives, we setup ourselves for disappointment”

Most of the disappointment, hurt, and anger in this World come from someone not meeting our expectations, either someone else’s or our own.

Sometimes we expect too much from our spouse, our children, our jobs, and ourselves. When our expectations are unrealistic, instead of inspiring greatness with the high bar we’ve set, we’re more likely to foster disappointment and resentment.

It isn’t that we shouldn’t ever have high expectations; it’s just that we need to be aware of how our expectations can sometimes make us unhappy.

“Low expectations can be a key to happiness.”

How often do we face these situations?

• When I’m driving to work, I expect that people will stop at red lights and go on green.
• I expect that most of my coworkers will come to work on a workday.
• I expect that I will get help from other people during the day as I help other people whenever they need help.
• I expect a perfect job & a perfect spouse.
• I expect my friendships to be reciprocal - give and take.
• I expect Life should be just like the movies
• I am a huge giver and anticipator of the needs of others. This feeling comes from a very deep need for connection.
• My friend/spouse simply does not show it and I end up feeling sad, disappointed and angry that he/she does not meet my expectations.

Our “Expectations” are a product of our upbringing and our values that we bring to the relationship.

Often we tend to believe that the way we treat others should the way we are treated in return. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen.

I used to have expectations of the people that worked for me. I expected them to come to work every day, get to work on time, work diligently throughout the day, take breaks and lunches at the designated times, do what I told them to do exactly how and when I told them to do it.

Whenever they did not meet my expectations, I felt angry and disappointed (which was actually waste of time and energy). Anyone who didn’t meet my expectations was defective. What I wanted was perfection. And then I realized that perfection was really just “my way of doing things”.

We need to realize that our expectations cannot change people. Even if they will, what is the effort, energy and heartburns that will get consumed from either side.

If you do not have expectations, you can never be disappointed.

Communicate your Expectations – Share your expectations openly and honestly with your partner. Don’t end yourself up in a situation - “but she/he should have known”.

The most important part of being in a healthy relationship is good communication.

Most people are not mind readers and the expectation that our friend/partner should “just know” what we want, is going to leave us feel disappointed.

Communicate at the right time - Sharing expectations timely could prevent much sorrows and heartburns. We just can’t assume that our partner is on the same page.

We really need to talk, may be not on the first date, but as soon as we think that our partner is relationship material. I remember one couple that I worked with who divorced.

She assumed they would have children and he didn’t want children but none of them communicated their expectations timely.

Adjusting Your Expectations

• Decide what is reasonable.
• Tone down Your Expectations. Eliminate the word “should” and choose –“I would prefer”. None of us can control other people, try as we might. People behave the way they behave for their own reasons.
• Recognize limitations. Try to identify the limitations or problems that the other person might be facing. It’s also possible that they might have a different agenda than meeting your expectations. Relationships have their limitations. Marital research shows that 69% of relationship issues are basically unsolvable and perpetual. Wise couples accept this and find ways to live around the issues, rather than engaging in constant conflict.
• Be tolerant of other’s views. Respect other’s point of view. People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to. Hope for the best, but expect less.
• Explore alternative ways to get your Expectations met. Take responsibility for your own needs and find workable and acceptable ways of satisfying them.
• Change Your Expectations - By maintaining an accurate awareness of our own realities, we become capable to determine what is truly expected from others.

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations.”

Accepting the Reality: Acceptance is an amazing trait that needs to be actively worked toward. When things do not work out the way we had planned, it is much more beneficial to realize the reality/actuality rather than becoming frustrated about the situation.

Have hope rather than expectations and you will tend not to get disappointed.

An unfortunate pitfall of having high expectations in certain circumstances is that we prevent ourselves from enjoying the experience altogether. If you feel this way in your life, you need to readjust/recalibrate your expectations. Do not expect things out of situations; just go into them with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.

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My Expectations from Myself…

What do I Expect from Myself?

How much do I expect from Myself?

Expectations are Premeditated Resentments!

Are we living our life based on expectations that we have from ourselves?

What is my "Expectation" from myself on my "Achievements" in life - Is it calibrated based on the “Capabilities” that I possess?

What will be my funeral speech?

We all are living a life of uncertainty, wherein, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. Importantly, an Expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected, it is a surprise, which may be positive or negative.

Higher Expectations: If we are expecting too much from ourselves then we will always be unhappy and demotivated in life, irrespective of our achievements and accomplishments. This, certainly, is an undesirable situation or state to be in, as we will continue to curse ourselves no matter what we have achieved in our life.  

Lower Expectations: On the contrary, if we have lower expectations from ourselves, then we will be satisfied with whatever little we have achieved in life. This may result into a situation where we may not be able to unleash our capabilities and may not be able to achieve possible outcomes based on our capabilities.

Strike the Right Balance: We need to strike the right balance between our Expectations from ourselves and our Capabilities to ensure that we don’t get Disappointed.

Importantly, we could choose a step-wise methodology to keep our Expectations in permissible levels and achieve rolling milestones/targets based on our Capabilities to give us satisfaction in life. Thereafter, after having enjoyed success, we should raise the bar of expectations from ourselves to ensure that we are continuously aspiring for more and growing. Therefore, we keep enjoying and celebrating the achievements and accomplishments intermittently and continue to get positive vibes in life. Therefore, we continue to raise our bars of expectations to ensure that don’t get stagnant and keep growing continually.

“WHAT” are our Expectations in the areas of -

1.     Health

2.     Wealth

3.     Work/Career/Profession

4.     Self Esteem / Spirituality

“FOR WHOM” do we need to set our Expectations -

1.     Self

2.     Family

3.     Friends

4.     Society

5.     Environment

Importantly, we need to ensure that the process of setting Expectations for Ourselves must be aligned to our "Purpose of Life".

Make sure that your Expectations from yourself are Realistic!!!
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Turn your Dream Life into Reality!

Start Dreaming, follow your Dreams & turn them into Reality!!!

 Are you dreaming enough?

Are you dreaming the right dreams?

Do you follow them?

Pick the appropriate Dream!

Ensure to turn them into reality!

If you are dreaming the right dream, your dream and aspirations should be strong enough to make your journey as seductive as the destination!

Dreams and Aspirations are greatest motivators and means of achieving goals.

Our dream should be such a compelling motivator that we should be seduced into working towards it. In this way, we would enjoy the journey as well as the destination. If you have a dream and you are following to make it come true then the action plan doesn’t necessarily is “Must Do” rather it becomes a “Love To Do!”

Imagine waking up with the life you’ve always dreamt of - Be it a better physique, Climbing a mountain, Writing a book, Earning money or success, Gaining power, Becoming a world-class sports person, Achieving strong purpose in our life or To be World’s best home maker!

We all need motivation to achieve anything. Our determination to fulfill our dreams will provide the required motivation. If the motivation isn’t strong enough, it means the dream is not compelling enough; we are probably dreaming the wrong dream!

When motivation is strong we create our own sets of rules and routes towards it. This is a form of self-discipline that is pleasurable and welcome. When we give up a beaten track and choose to be our own drummer, we have a greater responsibility towards ourselves…

Here are some easy steps; just follow them…

1.    Identify the right dream

While identifying the right dream sounds obvious but many of us struggle with this. We often struggle with the temptation of finding the perfect/ideal dream which can often paralyze us. Remember, this isn’t a one-time deal; it’s a continuous process or a journey. Just choose one and make that decision now!

2.    We need to commit to our dream

Now that we have chosen our dream; we need to commit to the same. Therefore, we need to take actions to fulfill our chosen dream.

We need to identify steps or action to fulfill our dream. Create step-by-step plan and create monthly milestones broken down into weekly deliverables and then finally breaking those down into our daily tasks.

3.    Let’s follow our dream

This is the most exciting phase – we need to be determined to follow our plan. Everyday, no matter what we do, we need to follow and implement our daily tasks that’ll bring us closer to our dream.

It’s not going to be easy so make sure we don’t make mistakes and don’t give-up half-way.

4.    Work Hard Party Harder – Let’s Celebrate

When we achieve our dream, we must reward ourselves. We should take time to enjoy that fulfilling moment and should appreciate ourselves. This will give us more confidence, enthusiasm and motivation to chase for our next dream.

Based on experiences, our dreams get bigger and bigger as we begin to achieve them.

Life will start looking to be much better when we wake up every day and all we will be doing is chasing to make our dreams into reality!

What are we waiting for?

Choose your dream now!

Follow your dream

&

Go ahead and Seize your Rainbow!!!

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Are you living in Denial?

What is Denial?
Denial, is asserting that a statement or allegation is not true.
However, Denial is also used at times for a psychological defense mechanism, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.
Denial is to deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether.

But why do people go into a denial mode?

We may slip into denial under any situation. For instance, too much smoking, regular drinking, reckless driving, post-retirement changes and mid-life crisis are some problems that we don't want to accept.

Most of the times, it is easy to deny truth when it hurts. Denial means trying to hold on to our own perceptions of reality, when in fact, we are avoiding truth. The reasons could be the fear of having to deal with a consequence.

A lady with 42 years of age says "I am yet to hit forty", whenever someone asks her age as she hates to admit it. To look younger, she tries hard to fit into dresses that are a size lesser than her's. Another lady is terribly overweight but refuses to even step on the weighing scale. She is afraid that the truth may hit her hard.

Under such circumstances, we get trapped in a denial mode and start seeing our life through the proverbial rose-tinted glasses. Age and weight are just some of the issues that most people cannot accept about themselves.

Denial could also be the first stage of a coping cycle.

When an unwelcome change occurs, a trauma of some sort, the first impulse to disbelieve begins the process of coping. That denial, in a healthy mind, slowly rises to greater consciousness.

Gradually becoming a subconscious pressure, just beneath the surface of overt awareness, the mechanism of coping then involves repression, while the person accumulates the emotional resources to fully face the trauma.

Good in the bad

However, denial does have a positive effect at times and can help us to cope with tragedies. Reality may be too painful. At times, denial helps us cope with life's harsh realities. When someone dear to us passes away, denial is the first reaction. First, we undergo a denial, then there is an acceptance and after that comes the feeling of immense sorrow, before life returns to normalcy.

Denial helps us push away, block or modify reality in a way that is acceptable. At the outset, the person in denial may not recognize it, but eventually as time goes by people tend to accept it.

Despite its obvious pitfalls, we can use the denial mode to our advantage by hoping that we can handle any issue without letting circumstances bring us down. The key is in trying to figure out what's happening or what has happened, getting the facts right, clarifying things and taking a decision that is more in tune with us. We can tell our self that I am fat, not obese, so let me make a fitness schedule, diet changes, follow an exercise pattern and get in shape.

We must believe that we can do it.

Denial is a Relationship Maintainer

Casual denial of bad behavior may be acceptable.

Self-denial is at work the most when it comes to relationships. For instance, we use it to overlook the flaws in our partner. At work, we use it to deny problems with the boss and colleagues for a conflict might rock our financial stability. Denial is our coping mechanism that gives us time to adjust to distressing situations.

This denial is not all that bad. It is a relationship maintainer. We don't need to have everyday confrontations. When something shocking or life-threatening happens, like an illness or the death of someone close, denial for a short-period can help you get our bearings together to absorb the pain. This denial is part of the healing process, where we slowly and gently face the reality.

Denial may be good even in stressful situations because it helps us approach the problem with less emotion. Denial of a rift with a friend could save you from an open confrontation. Denial about a life-threatening illness can be a protective defence, till we get our nerves back.

Use Denial Positively

•          Try to see situations from different perspectives
•          Believe in our self, trust others
•          Think of alternatives
•          Remember that the mind comes to terms with reality in a slow safe way

Are we Living in denial?

Everyone is in denial about something - be it a politician, a business tycoon, a star or you and me. Every day, we deny many unpleasant realities of life - like a rift with a friend, being in a bad job or relationship.

What happens when one remains continually in a denial mode?

Being in denial can harm us; we should know the pitfalls of ignoring the truth.
There is a tendency to prevent or at least delay the ability to maturely deal with truth or recognize reality. The signs of denial are when we refuse to listen to the truth and argue over it rather than accept it.
At times, embracing denial mode can prove to be dangerous. For a person diagnosed with an illness such as cancer or AIDS, the revelation can come as a shock. The first reaction is: No, this is not possible! The person may then redo the tests many times and consult several doctors hoping that someone will tell him otherwise. In a way, it is fear or anxiety that brings vulnerability and denial.
It may help you temporarily, when your mind is processing information that your heart isn't ready to accept. But being an escapist in the long run does harm.

When the time we spend denying what's obvious and staring at our faces, lasts for too long, it can damage our ability to tackle challenges.

My friend, 39-year-old lost his job a year ago, but was in denial about his debt. He continued shopping and kept telling his mind that he could pay the bills, despite knowing deep down, he will not be able to.

There are marriages where a partner refuses to deal with a straying spouse simply because it will shatter the perfect picture that he or she has built in the head.

No one likes to give up that cozy feeling of "all is well"; especially when they know it's not true.

In fact, some people live in denial for so long that they create an alternate reality in their head, where their illusions are the only truth. This is not good, as when people reach this stage.

A lot of people can suddenly experience an 'over-the-edge' feeling if the bubble of happiness bursts. They withdraw, become uncommunicative, even suicidal. Confront the issue before we explode and reach a point of 'no return'.

MAKE A 'DENIAL' LIST

Too much denial on a daily basis shows a person has weak coping mechanisms. It also means the person is giving up his personal power too easily.

Don't be scared of denial - It's our mind's way of accepting there's a problem. It's a good sign.

To make ourselves strong is to challenge ourselves to step out of the comfort zone once in a while. "Make a denial list. See what happens if you accept and change some of them. Will life be better or worse?"

The more we deny, the more we stop our mind from finding solutions. Accept, then think and the rest would be easier.

Undo denial to live a fulfilling life. Find out Purpose of your Life! It requires hard work, toughness and strength to rock the boat, but it's worth-it, because your mind becomes light and you feel happy!!!
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