Denial, is asserting that a statement or allegation is not true.
However, Denial is also used at times for a psychological defense mechanism, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.
Denial is to deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether.
But why do
people go into a denial mode?
We
may slip into denial under any situation. For instance, too much smoking,
regular drinking, reckless driving, post-retirement changes and mid-life crisis
are some problems that we don't want to accept.
Most
of the times, it is easy to deny truth when it hurts. Denial means trying to
hold on to our own perceptions of reality, when in fact, we are avoiding truth.
The reasons could be the fear of having to deal with a consequence.
A
lady with 42 years of age says "I am yet to hit forty", whenever
someone asks her age as she hates to admit it. To look younger, she tries hard
to fit into dresses that are a size lesser than her's. Another lady is terribly
overweight but refuses to even step on the weighing scale. She is afraid that
the truth may hit her hard.
Under
such circumstances, we get trapped in a denial mode and start seeing our life
through the proverbial rose-tinted glasses. Age and weight are just some of the
issues that most people cannot accept about themselves.
Denial could
also be the first stage of a coping cycle.
When
an unwelcome change occurs, a trauma of some sort, the first impulse to
disbelieve begins the process of coping. That denial, in a healthy mind, slowly
rises to greater consciousness.
Gradually
becoming a subconscious pressure, just beneath the surface of overt awareness,
the mechanism of coping then involves repression, while the person accumulates
the emotional resources to fully face the trauma.
Good in the
bad
However,
denial does have a positive effect at times and can help us to cope with tragedies.
Reality may be too painful. At times, denial helps us cope with life's harsh
realities. When someone dear to us passes away, denial is the first reaction.
First, we undergo a denial, then there is an acceptance and after that comes
the feeling of immense sorrow, before life returns to normalcy.
Denial
helps us push away, block or modify reality in a way that is acceptable. At the
outset, the person in denial may not recognize it, but eventually as time goes
by people tend to accept it.
Despite
its obvious pitfalls, we can use the denial mode to our advantage by hoping
that we can handle any issue without letting circumstances bring us down. The
key is in trying to figure out what's happening or what has happened, getting
the facts right, clarifying things and taking a decision that is more in tune
with us. We can tell our self that I am fat, not obese, so let me make a
fitness schedule, diet changes, follow an exercise pattern and get in shape.
We
must believe that we can do it.
Denial is a
Relationship Maintainer
Casual
denial of bad behavior may be acceptable.
Self-denial
is at work the most when it comes to relationships. For instance, we use it to
overlook the flaws in our partner. At work, we use it to deny problems with the
boss and colleagues for a conflict might rock our financial stability. Denial
is our coping mechanism that gives us time to adjust to distressing situations.
This
denial is not all that bad. It is a relationship maintainer. We don't need to
have everyday confrontations. When something shocking or life-threatening
happens, like an illness or the death of someone close, denial for a
short-period can help you get our bearings together to absorb the pain. This
denial is part of the healing process, where we slowly and gently face the
reality.
Denial
may be good even in stressful situations because it helps us approach the
problem with less emotion. Denial of a rift with a friend could save you from
an open confrontation. Denial about a life-threatening illness can be a protective
defence, till we get our nerves back.
Use Denial
Positively
• Try to see situations from different
perspectives• Believe in our self, trust others
• Think of alternatives
• Remember that the mind comes to terms with reality in a slow safe way
Are we
Living in denial?
Everyone
is in denial about something - be it a politician, a business tycoon, a star or
you and me. Every day, we deny many unpleasant realities of life - like a rift
with a friend, being in a bad job or relationship.
What happens when one remains
continually in a denial mode?
Being
in denial can harm us; we should know the pitfalls of ignoring the truth.There is a tendency to prevent or at least delay the ability to maturely deal with truth or recognize reality. The signs of denial are when we refuse to listen to the truth and argue over it rather than accept it.
At times, embracing denial mode can prove to be dangerous. For a person diagnosed with an illness such as cancer or AIDS, the revelation can come as a shock. The first reaction is: No, this is not possible! The person may then redo the tests many times and consult several doctors hoping that someone will tell him otherwise. In a way, it is fear or anxiety that brings vulnerability and denial.
It may help you temporarily, when your mind is processing information that your heart isn't ready to accept. But being an escapist in the long run does harm.
When the time we spend denying what's obvious and staring at our
faces, lasts for too long, it can damage our ability to tackle challenges.
My
friend, 39-year-old lost his job a year ago, but was in denial about his debt.
He continued shopping and kept telling his mind that he could pay the bills,
despite knowing deep down, he will not be able to.
There
are marriages where a partner refuses to deal with a straying spouse simply
because it will shatter the perfect picture that he or she has built in the
head.
No
one likes to give up that cozy feeling of "all is well"; especially when they know it's not
true.
In
fact, some people live in denial for so
long that they create an alternate reality in their head, where their illusions
are the only truth. This is not good, as when people reach this stage.
A
lot of people can suddenly experience an 'over-the-edge'
feeling if the bubble of happiness bursts. They withdraw, become
uncommunicative, even suicidal. Confront the issue before we explode and reach
a point of 'no return'.
MAKE A
'DENIAL' LIST
Too
much denial on a daily basis shows a person has weak coping mechanisms. It also
means the person is giving up his personal power too easily.
Don't be scared of denial -
It's our mind's way of accepting there's a problem. It's a good sign.
To
make ourselves strong is to challenge ourselves to step out of the comfort zone
once in a while. "Make a denial list. See what happens if you accept and
change some of them. Will life be better or worse?"
The
more we deny, the more we stop our mind from finding solutions. Accept, then
think and the rest would be easier.
Undo denial to live a fulfilling life. Find out Purpose of your
Life! It requires hard work, toughness and strength to rock the boat, but it's
worth-it, because your mind becomes light and you feel happy!!!find purpose of life