Seek Joy, not just Happiness!

Happiness is an emotion in which we experience feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure.

Whereas, Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness.

We can get happy but we can’t stay happy.

I have heard people saying "I just want to be happy!" They believe that happiness is something that can be achieved and held on to it. We look forward to that time in which we can finally be happy, but it continually recedes. When we are in High School, we think, "If we can just graduate then we will be happy." Graduation, however, is not fulfilling, and we decide "If we go to college then life will be better". But a college education does not bring happiness. Maybe it will come upon finding the right job, or getting married, or having children, or retiring. The goal remains elusive. The "happiness that lasts" is never found because it is actually impossible to get happy and stay happy.

If life is based on obtaining happiness then we will always fall short because life is always changing.

Joy connects us to the creative power - It is far better to seek Joy. Joy is related to happiness, but it is a deeper experience. In the search for happiness the individual focuses upon himself, but joy moves a person out of a self-centered preoccupation and provides an orientation towards others. Joy is an experience which connects us to that which is "Greater" than we are. Joy connects us to the creative power that is more than the "I" or ego. Joy gets us out of ourselves and gets us in contact with others. If we are willing to give up the search for Happiness, we may find Joy.

·       Happiness is based on an experience or other external stimulus. For instance, getting engaged to be married may result in happiness.  
     Joy is based on internal well-being or the anticipation of well-being.

·       When happiness is present, it is larger than life. Nothing seems better or worthy of attention but happiness is fickle. Happiness also tends to disappear when the situation changes. Joy is constant.

·       Happiness can be described as an emotion. Joy is more properly related to a state of one’s being.

·       Happiness depends on external factors to exist. Happiness happens to us. Even though we may seek it, desire it, pursue it. Feeling happy is not a choice we make. Joy, on the other hand, is a choice purposefully made. It is an attitude of the heart and spirit, present inside of us as an untapped reservoir of potential.

·       Happiness is achieved with five course meal. Joy is realizing that we have access to food and water, all the time. 

·       Happiness is feeling the sunshine on a beautiful day. Joy is acknowledging that the Sun is always there, even when it’s cloudy.

·       Happiness is winning an award or getting a raise. Joy is waking up every morning and doing what you love.

·       Happiness comes and goes. Joy comes and goes, but it's always a choice.

·       Happiness is a wish. Joy is a practice.

·       Happiness is an emotion in which one experience feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure. Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness. Witnessing or achieving selflessness to the point of personal sacrifice frequently triggers this emotion

·       Happiness is caused by earthly experiences and material objects. Joy comes from Spiritual experiences, caring for others, gratitude, thankfulness, etc…

·       Happiness is outward expression of elation. Joy is inward peace and contentment.

·       Happiness is temporary as it is based on outward circumstances. Joy is lasting as it is based on inward circumstances.

Ways to seize Joy:

·         Choosing to Smile
·         Meditation and Imagining
·         Positive Thinking
·         Feeling Grateful
·         Notice Immediate Surroundings
·         Become Active and Support others

Appreciate Happiness and Live Joy!
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My Expectations from Others...

“When expectations rule our lives, we setup ourselves for disappointment”

Most of the disappointment, hurt, and anger in this World come from someone not meeting our expectations, either someone else’s or our own.

Sometimes we expect too much from our spouse, our children, our jobs, and ourselves. When our expectations are unrealistic, instead of inspiring greatness with the high bar we’ve set, we’re more likely to foster disappointment and resentment.

It isn’t that we shouldn’t ever have high expectations; it’s just that we need to be aware of how our expectations can sometimes make us unhappy.

“Low expectations can be a key to happiness.”

How often do we face these situations?

• When I’m driving to work, I expect that people will stop at red lights and go on green.
• I expect that most of my coworkers will come to work on a workday.
• I expect that I will get help from other people during the day as I help other people whenever they need help.
• I expect a perfect job & a perfect spouse.
• I expect my friendships to be reciprocal - give and take.
• I expect Life should be just like the movies
• I am a huge giver and anticipator of the needs of others. This feeling comes from a very deep need for connection.
• My friend/spouse simply does not show it and I end up feeling sad, disappointed and angry that he/she does not meet my expectations.

Our “Expectations” are a product of our upbringing and our values that we bring to the relationship.

Often we tend to believe that the way we treat others should the way we are treated in return. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen.

I used to have expectations of the people that worked for me. I expected them to come to work every day, get to work on time, work diligently throughout the day, take breaks and lunches at the designated times, do what I told them to do exactly how and when I told them to do it.

Whenever they did not meet my expectations, I felt angry and disappointed (which was actually waste of time and energy). Anyone who didn’t meet my expectations was defective. What I wanted was perfection. And then I realized that perfection was really just “my way of doing things”.

We need to realize that our expectations cannot change people. Even if they will, what is the effort, energy and heartburns that will get consumed from either side.

If you do not have expectations, you can never be disappointed.

Communicate your Expectations – Share your expectations openly and honestly with your partner. Don’t end yourself up in a situation - “but she/he should have known”.

The most important part of being in a healthy relationship is good communication.

Most people are not mind readers and the expectation that our friend/partner should “just know” what we want, is going to leave us feel disappointed.

Communicate at the right time - Sharing expectations timely could prevent much sorrows and heartburns. We just can’t assume that our partner is on the same page.

We really need to talk, may be not on the first date, but as soon as we think that our partner is relationship material. I remember one couple that I worked with who divorced.

She assumed they would have children and he didn’t want children but none of them communicated their expectations timely.

Adjusting Your Expectations

• Decide what is reasonable.
• Tone down Your Expectations. Eliminate the word “should” and choose –“I would prefer”. None of us can control other people, try as we might. People behave the way they behave for their own reasons.
• Recognize limitations. Try to identify the limitations or problems that the other person might be facing. It’s also possible that they might have a different agenda than meeting your expectations. Relationships have their limitations. Marital research shows that 69% of relationship issues are basically unsolvable and perpetual. Wise couples accept this and find ways to live around the issues, rather than engaging in constant conflict.
• Be tolerant of other’s views. Respect other’s point of view. People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to. Hope for the best, but expect less.
• Explore alternative ways to get your Expectations met. Take responsibility for your own needs and find workable and acceptable ways of satisfying them.
• Change Your Expectations - By maintaining an accurate awareness of our own realities, we become capable to determine what is truly expected from others.

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations.”

Accepting the Reality: Acceptance is an amazing trait that needs to be actively worked toward. When things do not work out the way we had planned, it is much more beneficial to realize the reality/actuality rather than becoming frustrated about the situation.

Have hope rather than expectations and you will tend not to get disappointed.

An unfortunate pitfall of having high expectations in certain circumstances is that we prevent ourselves from enjoying the experience altogether. If you feel this way in your life, you need to readjust/recalibrate your expectations. Do not expect things out of situations; just go into them with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.

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My Expectations from Myself…

What do I Expect from Myself?

How much do I expect from Myself?

Expectations are Premeditated Resentments!

Are we living our life based on expectations that we have from ourselves?

What is my "Expectation" from myself on my "Achievements" in life - Is it calibrated based on the “Capabilities” that I possess?

What will be my funeral speech?

We all are living a life of uncertainty, wherein, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. Importantly, an Expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected, it is a surprise, which may be positive or negative.

Higher Expectations: If we are expecting too much from ourselves then we will always be unhappy and demotivated in life, irrespective of our achievements and accomplishments. This, certainly, is an undesirable situation or state to be in, as we will continue to curse ourselves no matter what we have achieved in our life.  

Lower Expectations: On the contrary, if we have lower expectations from ourselves, then we will be satisfied with whatever little we have achieved in life. This may result into a situation where we may not be able to unleash our capabilities and may not be able to achieve possible outcomes based on our capabilities.

Strike the Right Balance: We need to strike the right balance between our Expectations from ourselves and our Capabilities to ensure that we don’t get Disappointed.

Importantly, we could choose a step-wise methodology to keep our Expectations in permissible levels and achieve rolling milestones/targets based on our Capabilities to give us satisfaction in life. Thereafter, after having enjoyed success, we should raise the bar of expectations from ourselves to ensure that we are continuously aspiring for more and growing. Therefore, we keep enjoying and celebrating the achievements and accomplishments intermittently and continue to get positive vibes in life. Therefore, we continue to raise our bars of expectations to ensure that don’t get stagnant and keep growing continually.

“WHAT” are our Expectations in the areas of -

1.     Health

2.     Wealth

3.     Work/Career/Profession

4.     Self Esteem / Spirituality

“FOR WHOM” do we need to set our Expectations -

1.     Self

2.     Family

3.     Friends

4.     Society

5.     Environment

Importantly, we need to ensure that the process of setting Expectations for Ourselves must be aligned to our "Purpose of Life".

Make sure that your Expectations from yourself are Realistic!!!
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